Monday, January 31, 2011

Day one...continued!

Hello again!

Sorry about the double post about the same thing today!
My morning started out well with the plain Americano and greek yogurt.
At lunch I had a salad with spinach, edamame, sunflower seeds, bamboo chutes, black olives and Italian dressing. I also had a small bowl of vegetarian chili, some brown rice (but not very much cuz it was all dry and icky) aaaaand a slice of cantaloupe and two slices of watermelon. It was really, really good but I was in a hurry and had to rush off to class instead of enjoy it and finish it.

After a class that made me really grumpy because the teacher was inexplicably really rude to me, I worked in the office for an hour and read some of On the Road for my American Novel class. By this time I was getting really hungry AKA really irritable, so that wasn't good. As I just started this yesterday, I have zero healthy snacks in my pantry and so I desperately ate like 1/2 cup of Quaker Oats Oatmeal Squares cereal with some skim milk. It made me feel EONS better. Then to get rid of the grumpiness I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls and was nicer =).

I am out tonight so I just made dinner at Jeff's house and we tried this recipe for healthy pasta carbonara. It was surprisingly delicious and filling. I kind of, sort of doubled it as I didn't think one chicken breast, 4 oz. of pasta, etc. would feed both Jeff and I. We ended up having leftovers, which is always really convenient! Good good good!
As I said in my first post about clean eating, I have a terrible sweet tooth so Jeff and I just split a small banana to satiate my sweet tooth =)

This concludes day one! I bought a BUNCH of fruit at the store today, so hopefully the rest of the week will be easier as far as snaking goes. Today was kind of rough with my grumpiness and insane hunger this afternoon, but I expect it to get easier every day I work at it.

Have a great night, everyone!
P.S. Mean linguistics teachers can kiss my clean eating little butt.

Day One!

Good morning!

I started my day of clean eating out by....waitforit....NOT PUTTING ANYTHING IN MY AMERICANO EXCEPT SKIM MILK! and you know what? It wasn't half bad. Love me some white chocolate, but I survived. I have been drinking white chocolate americanos pretty much every morning since my junior year of high school, and I am buttcrazy obsessed with them, so this is a big step, my friends.

Then I headed off to class as I was real busy and did not have time to eat breakfast (shame on meeeee).

Got out of class, headed to my room real quick as it is pretty much zero degrees!!!!!
So, now I am going to eat some Brown Cow Blueberry Greek Yogurt, because after reading A LOT on clean eating, I discovered I can eat one yogurt a day! YAY.

I know that I have hardly gotten through one day, but I am real proud of the americano achievement.

Have a great day, all!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A new lifestyle!

Hey guys!

I want to talk about something that I have struggled with for most of my life, as I know a lot of women do. Since I was probably about eight years old, I have struggled with my weight. I was NOT overweight or even close to it at eight years old, but that is when I kind of became aware of self image, looking pretty, etc. I have A LOT of women in my family, and I think they have all struggled with their weight, which is probably what led to me this realization so young. One of my Grandmothers, in particular, has also been so critical about my weight with me for my whole life, but I don't want to talk about that here.

When I was in seventh grade, I decided I was fat. I was comparing myself to girls that I probably shouldn't have. Girls that had been involved in sports or dancing since they were, like, 2. I have never been any sort of athletic or even close to it EVER in my whole life. I'm really not ashamed of it at all, it's just who I am. I prefer to sit and read a book than go out and shoot some hoops. Plus, I am probably one of the clumsiest people in the universe and have absolutely zero coordination of any sort. So, I was pretty much meant to NOT be athletic or anything since day one. Anyway, I was comparing myself to these girls who had completely different lifestyles than I did and I decided I needed to be like them because I was a 13-year-old girl, and you know how that is. (SIDENOTE: Speaking of 13-year-old girls reminds me of one of my favorite books, The Virgin Suicides. In the beginning of the novel, the 13-year-old Cecilia attempts suicide. When she is brought into the hospital, the doctor said something like "Why would you want to kill yourself?" to which she replied "Obviously, doctor, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl before." Pure genius. And if you're a girl, you know what Cecilia is talking about here!)

Around this time, I developed this pseudo eating disorder. It was really nothing that serious and eventually took care of itself. What I would do is get on the treadmill in the basement (where I was unsupervised) and run and run and run until I would literally pass out. I never knew how long I was out for, but I would eventually wake up and do it again. In addition to the crazy unhealthy exercising, I would not eat lunch at school. Plus, I never ate breakfast because I was thirteen and would always take like 384387 hours to get ready! So all I really ate was dinner, because I was in front of my parents, and even then I mostly just pushed it around my plate. I lost a lot of weight like this and when I decided I looked good, I just stopped and w
ent back to my normal habits again, except I kept the terrible weight paranoia.

I went into high school at about 110-115 pounds and I loved myself. I loved how I looked (I wish I had some pictures!). I got a lot of attention from guys (which really was important to me at the time, so so so so stupid.) and everyone would always say how good I looked. Anyway, over the course of high school, I gained weight, which I am positive is normal. By the end of high school I no longer weighed what I had when I began and it killed me. It made me grumpy, incredibly self-conscious and jealous of everyone. At this time, I probably was still not over-weight, just pissed that I was no longer a size two.

Since coming to college, my weight has gone up and down, up and down. It usually
goes something like this: I come back in fall and lose weight and stay there. Then I go home for break and gain. Then I come back in for Spring semester and lose some then gain A LOT back. Then I go home and lose. WHAT THE HECK.

So today I came across this blog post. Which led me to this blog post. Which made me think and get excited. Clean eating will be a challenge for me for A LOT of reasons. Firstly, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE candy. I have a terrible sweet tooth. Secondly, I count pasta and bread as two of my main food groups. Thirdly, I drink a lot of coffee and would please like to sweeten it. Fourthly (I told you it was a lot of reasons) I live in a dorm room and am kitchen-less. Whenever you hear me talk about my "apartment" I mean my room and a bathroom, which I absolutely love and am VERY grateful for, but really wish I had a kitchen times 459. So, making ALL of my food is probably not very realistic for me. I have a meal plan and it is completely feasible for me to eat healthy at the Food Zoo (our cafeteria) but it will be pretty difficult with the whole no preservatives, no processed food rules since this place feeds thousands of students a day and uses BUTT LOADS of preservatives. My saving grace here will be my out nights, which is when I intend to follow this diet as well as I can on my budget and schedule.

So, I am looking forward to a healthier lifestyle, not a diet. I want to be DONE with struggling with my weight and feeling insecure. I am sick of dreading summer because of my less-than-bikini-body. I am sick of not being able to wear whatever I want and hating pictures of me. I want to go back to loving my body and not just so that I can feel hot. I want to be healthy and comfortable in my body. I want to remember my twenties as being full of adventure and excitement, not as being too lazy and insecure to go out.

I would like to add here that I have an incredible boyfriend. He never knew me when I was like a whole four pounds, but wouldn't want me any other way than I am now. He thinks I am beautiful and desirable always, which I am always inexplicably thankful for. He understands my struggle and understands that I want to be healthy, once and for all.

Sorry for the incredibly long post, I just wanted to talk about this because I know so so so many women struggle with this. I am with ya, but we can make some positive changes that will last forever and make us happy and satisfied =).

I am going to leave you with some pictures of myself that I love, which I hope will give me some motivation in the future.
This picture was right before freshman year of college, when I think I looked pretty good, even though I wasn't 120 lbs. =)

This was my sophomore year, about 120 lbs. Thanks to Jamie for posting this picture to Facebook of her eighteenth birthday! I love it.

This is the summer between sophomore and junior year. You can't really see my body but my face was skinny and I think my smile is so much prettier when my face is skinny.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I look forward to everyone's kind words and encouragement while I work to make myself healthier.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


My first week of spring semester: Tiring.

I am taking more credits than last semester-- only 16 (I'm a big baby!) and I feel like I am juggling so much already. I added a Linguistics class, which for some reason has done nothing but confused me. Haha, I feel like such a loser every freakin' time I walk into that class. It might be because it is one o'clock in the afternoon AKA right when my coffee is wearing off PLUS just after lunch. And the classroom is kind of warm and usually the lights are off so we can see the projection on the board so I just want to lay my head on the table and take a small, tiny nap. I don't think that would be looked upon very kindly. But on Friday, my professor (Who's name is Tully! Now I know two people named that great name) wore a shirt which I would give best shirt of the week award if that existed. It was a button up with the little ivory snap buttons and demin colored pockets on the breasts. It also had this pattern with ponies, roosters, weathervanes, fish, trees and angels. Oh my god, it was the best! Great job, Tully.

Also, I am thinking that now I am taking Education classes my GPA is going to be on the rise. That shit is easy as pie. Just a bajillion reading, which one would think I would be used to now as an English major, but I am telling you reading literature is a completely different planet than the one reading Educational psychology textbooks lives on. That doesn't make sense.

My American Novel class is fabulous, just as I predicted! The theme is "Odyssey," which wonderfully encompasses the themes of the books from one of my last posts.

Yesterday I finished our second semester "Meet the Staff" board in Turner Hall, which I did not have to do, but really wanted to. It is so adorable and fits out building and staff so much better than our last one. It really shows our personalities, I think, which I am all about.

Now for something I feel VERY proud of.
I went to the gym today, ya'll. It felt so good too! I have hardly used these great running shoes I bought downtown last fall for a lot of dollars, they have just been sitting in the big box of shoes in my closet making my feel guilty and wasteful. So, I took them to the gym and spent A WHOLE THIRTY MINUTES on the treadmill. What you read is true! CANYABELIEVEIT?! I did not run the entire time as the man at the running-shoes-store told me that the reason I always get killer shin splits when I start running (preventing me from sticking with it) is because I push myself too hard to quickly when my body isn't ready for it. So, what he suggested was to walk briskly for five minutes then run for about two minutes and keep up this pattern for about twenty minutes or so. Then just lessen the walking intervals and increase the running intervals when my body gets used to it. Maybe someday in the near future I will be a person who runs. An actual runner. Right now, I just think those people are freaks. Who the heck can just run and run and run and still feel good. Just kidding, I completely envy those people and believe that they rule.

So in summation, it has been a busy week. But a thoroughly rewarding and interesting one. I love those ones.

P.S. If you're into mash-ups as much as I am, Milkman recently released a new CD called Algorithms, which is up for free download on his website. FREE JAMS HECKYES

muchlove homies.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Those who run Turner Hall.

These are the ladies that run Turner Hall. How cute are we?!
We went out and took these pictures on Sunday because I wanted to make a new "Meet the Staff" board for second semester. Jeff took the pictures and they are all sorts of adorable!!

From left to right we have: Preslie on Jessica's back. They are our third floor RAs. Then we have Alison on Emily's back. They are our second floor RAs. Then there is Justene on my back and we are the Supervisors of the building. In front of us is Caitlyn, our Resident Technology Assistant, or RTA.

I love them!
Hope everyone is having a great day!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Spring semester! + a cute boyfriend

Spring semester starts on Monday. I can't even tell you how excited I am to start my American Novel class. These are the INCREDIBLE looking books that we get to read. I have never heard of the professor, even after three years of literature classes, so I am guessing he is newish. But I am amazed at his selection as a new professor. These look amazing.

From left to right we have: Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier, Play It As It Lays By Joan Didion, On The Road by Jack Kerouac, Winter In The Blood by James Welch (A UM graduate!). The bottom row, left to right is Norwood by Charles Portis (who also wrote True Grit), Outer Dark by Cormac McCarthy, Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer (who wrote Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close which is one of my favorite books ever ever ever), and lastly we have Guided Tours Of Hell, a collection of novellas by Francine Prose. Not pictured is The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver.
I love literature classes. Nothing is more relaxing to me than sitting in my big, cozy chair, cuddled up with a book and some tea.

On a completely different note, Jeff taught his first CPR class on Thursday and came over afterwards and he was all dressed up in this adorable button-up. He is so cute!!!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Oh, hello there!

Oh hello all!
I am so sorry for neglecting my blog and all of your BEAUTIFUL faces, but boy, have I been busy. Christmas came and passed. New years came and passed. I came back to Missoula on the fifth of January and started my Wintersession class that Friday.
The class I took was C&I 200, my first in school experience. I observed for two weeks in an eighth grade Language Arts class and completely fell in love with all of the kids and the profession. My teacher had me teaching completely on my own for the last week, and it was the absolute best. The lesson we were working on wasn't in my major at all (they were doing interest surveys to do some research about potential
careers in preparation for high school) but I enjoyed it ANYWAY. Tomorrow is my last day with them, but we are going on a ski trip, so I will mostly be sitting in the lodge all day reading since I am the kiss of death of the ski hills (I will have to tell you
this story someday).

I am going to leave you with some pictures from Christmas break.

This girl is my life. Denby and I.

Denby making me laugh. I love candid photos.

My baby, Tobey, or more affectionately called, Baidumb.

My baby again.

My brother, Jordan, and I

Dad and I

Jordan and I. Isn't he a heartbreaker?

Making pasties with Jeff's mom, Laurie. It's a Butte tradition!

Jeff and I on a walk with Jagger! Who is on a leash so you can't see him, haha.

Talk to you soon.
Love, Lib